By: Michael Gallo
A normal, pretty standard high school party took a turn for the worse Saturday night after party-goer David Vuney challenged every one in the room by claiming “no one here can kick me in the face”. The challenge was met by fellow party-goer Lance McCallister who got a running start, jumped off a nearby coffee table and brought his foot into the center of Vuney’s face. Eye-witnesses at the event are still trying to determine which was more stunning, the actual occurrence or Vuney’s two front teeth exiting his face. One landed on the carpet which was later picked up by Ricky Jarvis, known school wide for having odd tendencies, and the other lodged itself firmly in McCallister’s foot.
McCallister, who came to school Monday sporting an air-cast on his right ankle, fell from the air with a foot that could now smile and a painful grimace on his face. “I just kicked you in the friggen face!” he was able to exclaim despite the obvious pain he was in. Friends helped up McCallister as others tried to wake an unconscious Vuney.
Vuney, who according to common medical practice will most likely be operating at a 3rd grade education for up to 4 days after the event, eventually came to then stood up and asked the nearest person when “his mail would be available for pick up”. The off-topic comment garnered laughs from the crowd but brought about a bad reaction from McCallister.
“How’s your fuckin face, dispshit?” asked a visibly upset McCallister. Because of the blunt-force trauma Vuney was unable to remember the event and once again posed the challenge that “no one here could kick me in the face”. Before McCallister could remind him what had happened an extremely drunk John Lupino got a head start out of the kitchen and brought his heel into Vuney’s face via an aggressive round-house kick. Vuney dropped for a second time this time muttering the words “lady gaga” before slumping to the carpet. Unlike McCallister few people sympathized with Lupino who sat on the shag carpet clutching his ankle claiming “every bone in my foot is broken”. McCallister, already upset with the earlier events, became disgusted with Lupino’s obvious attempt to steal the title as resident face-kicker. Unable to rationalize McCallister approached a downed Lupino and kicked him square in the face. Vuney’s tooth, which once resided in McCallister’s foot, was now lodged (permanently, as Lupino would later find out) in Lupino’s forehead.
Summing up the nights events was Julie Richards with her poignant comment: “What the hell is everyone’s problem?” It’s unknown at the time if Richards was then kicked in the face.