By: Cody DiCavalcante
Good morning everyone! I hope all of you are enjoying your little pinch of July 4th. Expressing signs of gratitude. Kissing your mothers on the cheek. Passing the mashed potatoes. Ya know, that sort of thing. Today is a very joyous day. I love today. You know why? Because you have an excuse to blow shit up. Whoever was the first guy to say “Fireworks, fireworks, fireworks for people of all age. America deserves explosions in the sky!!”, well I support your cause sir. I have a suspicion that it was no other than George Washington himself.
Living in Arizona, I can’t buy myself fireworks. No roman candles to shoot at barrels, no M-80’s to chuck into the air, not even little bottle rockets to watch fizz pass my friend’s ear. No, fireworks are illegal here in Arizona. Now I don’t know what would happen if I drove past a cop in my car and used a bottle rocket as a conductors wand while listening to music. Would he pull me over or just say, “Ah, its just one little bottle rocket. That ain’t gonna put a damper in my crock pot baby.” Maybe. Or he might just throw me so hard into the slammer that my face goes numb.
When I used to live in Kansas, fireworks were a common ritual among friends. The first time I went with my friends out to buy some fireworks, my dad gave me the amount of money a teenage girl recieves when going to the mall. Yeah, I spent somewhere around 300 dollars. My dad brought out a bag of fireworks and sat on a step of our deck. My friends, Ben Lucas and Greg Dubinsky stood beside me and my dad carried one of those candle lighters with him. I knew he was about to light some off. He lit off a blackcat and threw it directly at me. My adrenaline had never felt so awesome. Fireworks to your face are probably the closest thing you’ll feel to being in the trenches, if you haven’t been in them. Maybe not. A knife is pretty powerful too. I would like to give a huge thanks to everyone overseas and here in the U.S. fighting for our country. I wouldn’t be here right now typing this if you weren’t dedicating your life to keeping our country safe. Thank you.
It pains me to realize, I can’t blow anything up today. The best I’ve got is to watch. Thats fun, I guess. I would really like it though if I could take a big sucker and light it off in my neighbor’s pool. My insides are kind of feeling itchy with sadness that I can’t take one block of TNT, throw it in the air while listening to R. Kelly. Oh well, maybe next spring. Gosh, if George Clooney and I were together right now, break-dancing in Grand Central Station, I bet that would really make the press feel weird. I thought the other day on acting. I am trying to figure out if I should do that. Maybe, if the pay is good. Otherwise I’ll probably settle as a OB/GYN. LOVE YA’LL! YO, ONE LOVE YA’LL. WHAT ARE WE? HUH? I CAN’T HEAR YA? CHAMPIONS? THATS GOSHDANG RIGHT!!!!!!!!