Sleepless in Tempe

A Post By: Cody DiCavalcante

What am I doing right now. I’m writing a blog. The other night I watched “Jerry McGuire” and I thought to myself this is a great movie. Tom Cruise means a lot to me in that movie. One, because he talks funny throughout the movie and two, because he has positive advice on ways to live life. I kind of feel like Tom Cruise’s character before he has the big “Show me the money” thing happen for him and his associates. I feel lost, trapped, I even have that feeling of  falling to the ground and covering myself in a massive amount of blankets. Refer to, Jerry McGuire, most likely chapter 1 of the DVD to see that part. If you have VHS, you’re fucked. As the movie progresses we see Mr. McGuire start to rise above his co-workers and his firm, SMI. He gets Renee Zellwegger and the cool kid with the spiky hair and even feels complete in a room of Divorcee’s. That’s a hell of a damn life. Right now, I’m kind of just floating along.

I feel like my life is lacking something. I’m trying to understand what that is. Right now, my brain feels like its being squished. I feel like its the combination you get when you drink coffee at 7 pm and are exhausted after spending an hour and a half reading 15 pages, which I did tonight. I’m working towards a major which i have no interest. Don’t get me wrong, reading can be such a great adventure but I can’t stand the people who lust after books. The one’s who spend their time bragging about how many verses and paragraphs they solved the night before. (I’m so damn tired and antsy)The only reason I am one, is because I will graduate in less time. I really don’t know what I am or what I’m going to do. I could turn out to be a clown for a profession. Who knows? I’m just taking my days and living them as best I can.

For the past few years, I’d say life has turned blurry. I’ve managed to drive my car over boulders and magically appear back on the road, bought $60 dozen of cupcakes for a girl who was having a bad day, even had an old friend so pissed off at me he took a stab at my dead father (metaphorically not physically). Life, is full of interesting events. I’d always been told the hardest years of life would be during the teen years. No, for me it was the early twenties. I’m in ant in a room full of human things. Things I just don’t fucking understand. I’m not this year’s candidate for man who has it figured out. College has been weird. I didn’t want to attend a party school but it was my only choice. I didn’t want to spend my nights going to parties and drinking limitless amounts of liquor. I didn’t want to walk around guys my age who looked like they just got out of the gym instead of class. They were annoying and pissed me off. I just wanted what I’d always grown up with, love and laughter and the company that I found so appealing in the mid-west.  I’m not easily understood and I thank God for that. I’m an outcast and ride the road of the purple spotted lizard. I ride hard and I write hard. I eat 9 eggs in the morning and have never gotten my cholesterol checked. I’ve got a car outside that is 10,000 miles over an oil change. I don’t wear socks because I just hate the portrait they paint on my ankles. I keep 2 dollars at a time in my wallet. I pay credit and spend money like it grows on trees. I don’t know how to play an instrument but live like I do. I sometimes am so out of it that I’ll try to open my front door with my remote opener for my car. I’m the man you find in the shadow’s. The loner. I’m fine with it.

Tonight, I’ll go to bed with a pain in my stomach because I choose to drink coffee even though it doesn’t suit me well. I’ll dream about something that will hopefully be peaceful and awake the next morning refreshed. I’ll shout in the kitchen like I usually do and chuckle because I thought about something in the remote parts of my head. I would be no where without my own laughter in the things I do. Goodnight.


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