Today, October 20th 2011, the world lost a great man. We lost a compassionate man. A man who cared about others above himself, and wasn’t afraid to reach out a compassionate hand to those who struggled. Oh, you know what? I’m reading the wrong Wikipedia page…shit. Hold on, let me gather some quick facts. Okay…mhm…sounds good…
Muammar Gaddafi/Qaddafi/Gadhafi/Kudafee/Chadaphie was not only psychotic, he was batshit fucking crazy. This guy was about 2 feet away from being another Kim Jong Il. The worst part was not only did his psychosis affect those around him but it carried over into how he treated his “people”. But this is a comedy website. I’m not going to go into the people he had murdered or the bombings that he endorsed. That’s not my place. My place is to remember Gaddafi as the fun loving guy he was. We here at the Barnyard Lampoon had a very special relationship with the man known as Muammar Gaddafi.
First and foremost, we admired his fashion. This man was WAY ahead of the game. I’m speaking with a few investors right now but the plan is to start a Gaddafi inspired clothing line by early next may. It’s going to be nice casual wear that even the savvy dresser can wear in tunnels and various desert caves. Fashion mogul? This guy:
“I got these sunglasses from Bono!”
Supposedly, when Suddam Hussein appeared in court for his trials, he inspired an incredibly popular suit trend among Arab men. Gaddafi couldn’t influence a naked bum. He looks like a heavy Mexican grandmother smashed so hard into a feminine Russian man that they fused together. The only word to describe his look is “tragic”.
Not only is he a bad dresser, he’s easily the weirdest looking person I’ve ever seen. He’s the type of person that you see on the subway and just think, “Good God, where did genes go wrong?” Even his facial expressions are disastrous. He constantly looked like he suspected someone around him had sharted.
Supposedly Gaddafi traveled around with a group of up to 40 women who HAD to be virgins. My friend’s grandfather did the same thing after his wife passed away (miss you Ninny). You’ve got a dictactor (alright) who travels with a posse of pistol packing women (hm…you’re starting to lose me) who were required to refrain from sexual activity (wait, the who and the what). What in the world does that have to do with military protection?
“Drop swisher, trade A-Rod”
This is Gaddafi just a few weeks ago. You can see his virgin protection force behind him. That’s my hand with the tape recorder. Upset about the recent Yankees loss, I asked him for his opinion on what the Yankees should do during the off season. He knew a surprising amount about sports. He loved football. Here’s a picture I took of him with Chris Berman:
Damn…he looks pretty close to Berman…
Judging by this picture, it wouldn’t surprise me if he took a few secrets to the grave. And that’s fine by me.
Gaddafi was a text book dictator. Controversial, contradictory, evil, ruthless, business savvy, good at opening canned food, a Mac user, a cat person, and in desperate need of a haircut. What will the world remember about Muammar Gaddafi? His involvement in several terrorist attacks? His love for woodland creatures (specifically squirrels and schrews)? Or maybe the fact that he failed. We here at the Barnyard Lampoon can’t stand failure. One time, while working as a Pita Pit delivery man, I failed to make the delivery. I took a turn at 55 and lost control. By the time I got to the house, the customer had already gotten different food. I was devastated. I tried to perform Seppuku, the ritual suicide performed by Samurais, but his wife and kids were watching and they stopped me (thanks Linda, Tim, and Rachel). They were right. Meth and food delivery DON’T mix. Where was I…? Oh yeah, Gaddafi.
Dude was nuts.