The Barnyard Lampoon Remembers Joe Frazier

A Post By: Michael Gallo

Earlier tonight, I was watching a rerun of “Guess that Book” on C-Span 2 when the breaking news hit.  Conrad Murray killed Joe Frazier.

Wait…no…I think I’m mixing up news stories here.  Oh, I got it, Conrad Murray is guilty, and Joe Frazier unfortunately passed away after a long battle with the 24 hour flu.  We’ll miss Joe Frazier.  Here are some of his biggest contributions:

-Joe Fraziers lean, mean, fat eliminating machine!  He made a small grill you can put in your home that is angled in such a way that it gets the fat out of your meat! DAMMIT! I’ve got the wrong guy again.  I’m thinking of George Foreman.

Who the hell is Joe Frazier?  Be right back, I’m going to Wikipedia.

Mhm. Ohhh that Joe Frazier.

Okay so Joe Frazier lost to Muhammad Ali. That’s what America is doing right now, glorifying a loser.  How come they don’t always announce the deaths of presidential candidates that didn’t win the presidency?  Because America hates a loser.  I mean seriously, the only thing we’re remembering this guy for is being the “best loser” to Muhammad Ali?

Oh. Wait, I didn’t read past the first paragraph.  I guess he was actually the undisputed champ for a long time before losing his title to George Foreman.  Alright, it’s starting to make a little more sense now.

Joe Frazier was the champ! Ya heard? But what makes Joe Frazier different from the next Joe Schmo with boxers dementia is the fact that Joe Frazier was a class act.  He had dignity, he had class.  Look at some boxers since him:

Mike Tyson:  Where do you even start with this guy?  He threatens to eat children and stomp on scrotums.  He’s never actually put together a coherent thought.  Ever.  One time, during a weigh in, Mike Tyson said, and I quote “I’m going to fuck you till you love me faggot”. What!?  Imagine where you have to be at mentally to let that come out of your mouth.  Not only that, but Mike Tyson hit women.  He’s the definition of a classless person.

Floyd Mayweather Jr.:  Floyd Mayweather is the definition of a little bitch.  He avoids boxing people that he knows will beat him, he claims to be undefeated despite manipulating his schedule and avoiding real contests, and he knocked out Ortiz (another Frazier-esque class act, for real) when he was trying to apologize for a rule infraction.  He was trying to be a man and APLOGIZE and Mayweather took advantage of it and knocked him out.  Was it completely illegal? No, but it still makes him a little bitch.

So that’s why, when people like Joe Frazier die, we remember them.  Because Joe Frazier came from a time when boxing was exciting and they weren’t the idiots that are getting punched in the head today.  Joe Frazier meant something to this country.

The classy American athlete is dying. We’ll miss you Joe.


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