Gov. Brownback Defends His Blowing

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I would like to take a moment to salute the hard working people who keep this government running like the well-oiled machine it is.  To the people who told us pizza is a vegetable, thank you.  To the people who refuse to allow bipartisanship despite the obvious benefits it would reap on this country, thank you.  And lastly, to the governor who apparently has the time and resources to hunt down and confront high school seniors for tweets about how much you “blow”, thank you.

Sam Brownback is in the pursuit of high school senior Emma Sullivan.  Emma was part of a program called “Youth in Government” and visited Governor Sam Brownback in Topeka, KS.  After standing in the back of a room and not coming within 100 feet of Gov. Brownback, Emma composed this tweet heard round the world.

“Just made mean comments at gov. brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot,”

Ladies and gentlemen, if you have doo-rags or skull caps, please wave them here.

Emma is American and she has a voice God dammit!  Sure, she may have been pissed about Gov. Brownback cutting the arts program in Kansas, and sure she may have worded that in an odd way when she claimed Brownback “blows a lot” but she’s young.  She doesn’t have the cunning wisdom necessary to create remarks and taunts that could ruin a person’s life.  So instead, she stuck with claiming gov. Brownback blows a lot.  On a scale of 1-10 I’ll give her a 6.

This is where it got interesting though.  Because Gov. Brownback put his foot down.  And when I say put his foot down, I mean he trolled the internet until he found Emma’s tweet, and then contacted the school she attends.  Apparently, Gov. Brownback thinks Kansas is in SUCH good working order that he has the time to skim through thousands of tweets and online material that contain his name.

Yes, big brother is watching, and it’s Sam Brownback’s younger brother.  What are you looking for!?  Are you this self absorbed?   Are you this worried?  You are literally paying people to sift through social media stuff with your name in it?  Perfect.  “Sam, how do we save money in Kansas?”

Sam:  Well, we’ll take out any and all funding for the arts.  Those can survive on private funding right?  Good, then we’ll use some of that money to pay for the browser software we’ll need to sift through all social media messages with my name in it.  Ha, God Damn, I love America!

After finding Emma’s tweet (which lets be frank, wasn’t THAT bad) Gov. Brownback apparently got his panties into a little bit of a bunch.  So much so that he contacted Emma’s school and coerced the principal into making Emma apologize.

The principal confronted Emma who originally agreed to apologize and then was all like:

Next, Emma got tons of twitter followers and people backed up both sides and turned this into a giant shit show.  At the center of it is this question:  do our freedom of speech laws apply to social media and other online sites?

Gov. Brownback would like you to think they don’t.  Isn’t that dandy?  Say what you want, but you better draw the line when you talk about how much your governor blows.

Quick lesson Emma:  Ya gotta be specific.

Sure, you claim he blows. But blows what?  Illicit drugs?  Or does he blow something of a far more serious nature?

Remember, it’s not libel or slander if you can prove it’s true.

It’s time to step your game up Emma.

And in the meantime Sam, let’s get a few things straight.  First of all, it’s YOUTH in government.  Not Mature Adults in Government, because as a matter of fact, those don’t exist.  There’s no such thing as a responsible adult in politics.  Don’t believe me?  You may think  Emma’s heinous “blowsalot” tweet was offensive but what about when you have a congressman named Weiner pulling out his…weiner on Facebook chat.  Or a GOP candidate groping enough women in pizza restaurants he should be called The Godfather of Groping?  I think there are far more serious problems than tweets from a high schooler.  In fact, there are THOUSANDS of more problematic things you could be focusing on.  Pick one of them.

In the mean time, I’ve said your name (GOVERNOR SAM BROWNBACK) multiple times in this article.  Maybe you’ll read this.  I’d love to hear from you.  You can email us at  I’ll even reveal my identity and we can have a real “open dialogue” about why you hunted down a “slanderous” 18 year old.  Here’s your chance to defend yourself in front of our broad readership.

I found out recently you apologized to Emma.  That’s not good enough.  Get your shit together, and try fighting for the stuff that matters.



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