Q: Jeff Spicoli, Prophet or Hero? A: Both

This weekend, I had my mind blown so severely that I suffered a nose bleed and prolonged confusion.  The truth was presented to me in a fashion that I had never seen before.  After discovering this truth, I was lost.  I sat in a dark room wrapped in my Yankees Snuggie, trying to digest what I had just seen.  I tried to figure out why my friends had never shown me this truth.  Did they not care about me?  Was showing me the truth and the way not important to them?

This truth? Jeff Spicoli from the film Fast Times At Ridgemont High.  

Jeff Spicoli is a prophet of truth and knowledge.  He brings with him a message that could benefit you, your friends, family, America…dare I say, the world?

As I sat watching this film with a female friend that would probably not want to be named on this website, I laughed, I cried, I knew.  His words hit me in places I never knew existed.  I’m not saying I had a religious experience.  I’m not going to follow the church of Spicoli (but seriously, does that exist!?).  But for the first time I truly knew.  After laughing until I thought I was going to have a brain aneurysm, a single tear fell down my face.  The girl I was with was thoroughly confused.

Mystery woman:  Are you crying?

Me: Yes, yes I am.

Mystery woman:  Why?

Me:  Because…I now know, what I didn’t think I could know.

The scene I had just “witnessed”?

Jeff is the man we all wish we could be.  Life doesn’t bring Spicoli down.  He doesn’t worry about the man, or jobs, or responsibilities, or even the basic necessities of life.  Jeff just needs some “tasty waves and a cool buzz”.  Jeff is a human in his original state, with all of society’s bullshit stripped away.  Jeff exists.  Jeff lives when most of us can not say the same.

Whether he’s doing battle with Mr. Hand, or just conversing with the guy he recognized from a burger joint, Jeff Spicoli speaks in gold.  Think about all the times someone said something to you and you were unable to come up with a response.  You stood in an embarrassed and humiliated silence as you tried to come up with a rebuttal.  Jeff knows no such situation.  He seamlessly fills in all gaps with “gnarly”, “righteous”, or “Hey bud, let’s party!”  He is the poet of our time.  His retorts are Olympic in size and significance.

Not only is Jeff honest and innocent, but he’s fearless.  He fears no man, no competitor.  He doesn’t let other people influence his behavior.  Spicoli does Spicoli.  To make yourself fearless, to make “danger your business”, would be to conquer life.  Experience Spicoli’s fearless attitude:

*Spoiler Alert:  Jeff Spicoli, while innocent and poetic, uses a word that is both offensive and looked down upon by the BL.  He is from a different era.  If you’re concerned with offensive expletives, you may not want to watch*

Jeff’s fearless attitude could do a lot for this country.  While you may not believe me, the truth is there.  The truth will set you free.  Let’s look, for instance, at Congress.  Congress is as good as gridlocked right now.  They’re not moving, they’re not accomplishing anything.  Fear and anxiety cripple their actions.  Wonder why pizza is now a vegetable?  Because so many food industry lobbyists have their hands up the asses of Congressmen that they were worried about losing the big bucks.  Now, imagine Jeff Spicoli in the same situation…

He’d probably do the same thing.  He fucking loves pizza.  But, it wouldn’t be because he is trying to please some lobbyist.  He would do it because he actually, truly believes it.  We could only be so lucky to have men and women in congress who truly stand for what they believe in.  If half of Congress had the innocence and honesty of Jeff Spicoli, America would be a far greater land.  A land returned to its former prominence.

America could use a man like Jeff Spicoli now more than ever.

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