The Barnyard Lampoon Remembers Joe Paterno

A Post By: Michael Gallo

Earlier today, famous football coach and good secret keeper Joe Paterno passed away.  And who could blame him?  If I were in his situation I’d probably let myself slip into the great beyond too.

Doctor:  Mr. Paterno, you have 3 months to live

Joe Paterno: Sweet, is there anyway we could speed that up? I don’t know if you watch the news or anything, but I don’t have much to stick around for.

Morbid?  Maybe.  But the situation at Penn State was appalling.  Even more appalling?  The handling of the situation.  By EVERYONE involved.  Enron in its final days handled itself more efficiently than Penn State.  But this goes beyond Penn State.  The media handled it just as poorly as everyone else involved.  Take for instance the following piece of dialogue

TV Journalist:  That’s an interesting theory.  Now describe one more time, in detail, how Jerry raped young boys in the shower?  REALLY focus on the details.

That’s not even an exaggeration.  No one would be shocked if they heard this line in a piece about Penn State.

BL Reader:  But Michael, the news is just covering the story.

Fuck that.  The news stations were just short of showing 3D animation depicting what Jerry Sandusky did in the shower.  The worst offender?  ESPN.

ESPN is a sports network.  SPORTS.  This involved sports, so I can understand them covering the details of the story (who got fired, who’s going to court, who’s replacing the people leaving).  But constant phone interviews describing (in graphic detail) the sodomizing of young children?  We get it.  An atrocious event occurred, now show highlights of college football and shut the fuck up about it.  You broke the story, you discussed its implications.  In fact, the responsible thing to do would have been to focus on sports to help people move past this.  Don’t worry, 60 minutes will take care of the in-your-face over-the-top coverage of a the scandal.

Poor Joe Pa.  Yeah, I said it.  People were so quick to talk about how evil he was and how badly he fucked up.  In fact, here are some of the things people are blaming on him:

1.  WWII

2. 9/11 and all subsequent terrorist attacks

3.  The 2008 financial crisis

People want to forget everything that Joe Pa accomplished.  That way, all the stuff that happened in the showers, didn’t happen at all!  By symbolically killing Joe Pa, and being quiet about his career and involvement (Hm…being quiet about something…sounds like what they were crucifying him for…) the media is effectively softening the impact of what happened at Penn State.  Right?

Granted, ESPN did interview people today about Joe Pa’s accomplishments and what people were influenced by him, but the damage had been done.

People are so quick to point fingers when they don’t take the time to really think about the gravity of the situation.  You have the opportunity to destroy an illustrious 40+ year career and bring shame to your program and your family.  And yourself.  I bet EVERYONE would just be tripping over themselves as they rushed to turn themselves in.  Right?  Wrong.  People get scared and people do stupid things.

In the end, Joe Pa took the brunt of this because he was the figure head.  People needed a target, Jerry Sandusky was too easy, so they killed Joe Pa.  Look in the mirror, you’re just as guilty.  On Facebook this morning, people were discussing how excited they were for Joe Paterno to go to Hell.  Seriously?

But yeah, Joe Paterno was the monster.

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