A Post By: Michael Gallo
Today is one of the most important days of the year (behind Christmas and the Vietnamese New Year). It’s Super Tuesday, a day when political careers are made, when political races are decided. If you can come out of Super Tuesday with success and momentum, then your party’s presidential nomination is as good as yours. So tell your third wife to buckle up and get ready for the shit show.
Super Tuesday is also a chance for various news stations with any semblance of political leaning to spew a lot of bullshit. So instead of subjecting yourself to all that bullshit for fun (or worse yet, school) watch the Super Tuesday coverage and get super drunk, with the Barnyard Lampoon’s Super Tuesday Super Fun Drinking Game.
-An entire bottle of liquor
-About a case of beer
The game is comprised of ‘shots’ and ‘chugs’. A shot is a typical shot, 1.5 ounces of liquor. A ‘chug’ is downing beer long enough that you have to swallow twice while ‘chugging’. So get your alcohol, write your next of kin letter, and hide your cell phone. It’s about to get hairy.
-You can use coverage from any station. Fox, CNN, MSNBC. The choice is yours. It just depends on how much you want to drink
-‘They’ refers to anyone on the TV. Correspondent, anchor, ireporter, anyone
-Take a chug every time they mention Obama
-Take a chug every time they say the word ‘caucus’.
-Take a chug every time they talk about how important Tennessee and Ohio are
-Take a chug every time they say ‘Super Tuesday’
-Take a chug every time they mention ‘Super PACs’ in any form
-Take a shot every time a poll closes
-Take a shot every time they mention Mitt Romney’s financial situation
-Take a shot every time they mention Newt’s character issues
-Take a shot anytime they mention the Occupy movement
-Take a shot every time they say the phrase ‘Now we’re going to go to…” with anything following that phrase
-Take a shot anytime a correspondent or anchor touches a touch screen
-Take a shot if Rush Limbaugh gets brought up
-Take a shot if Super Tuesday or this time period gets referred to as ‘March Madness’.
-Take a shot anytime they use right wing or conservative rhetoric
All right, have fun. Be stupid. This should definitely get you there.