Borrowing vowels never leads to charisma

By: Cody DiCavalcante

You ever wanted to get out of your current situation? Just escape to somewhere and see what happens? Most of you, who I know through Facebook, are either holding down a job or continuing through grad school or maybe just not doing much. I don’t really care. What I do care about is what you do to stay sane. I mean, I’m going to school and working for a company, heir to a business, scared shitless about what’s going to happen and it all makes me want to run away and find a home under the weeds and crumpled up parking citations. I’ve been losing a little bit of myself each day trying to think about how I’ll make it to eighty with all the marbles God gave me. It’s a little hard to handle sometimes. Maybe I’m just more of a worrier than other people but it seems like life is reaching impact.

The world is a funny place, even more so, human beings. We blow our noses because if we don’t we can’t breathe, we lay in a bed and sit still for 8 hours with our eyes closed, we have millions of different kinds of drinks at our disposal (alcoholic, non-alcoholic, toxic stuff if you’re really looney), we use a phone application called Instagram because shockingly we all want to go back to the 70’s and feel cool that our pictures can be a darker shade of brown. Freud your ideas were so linear to what is true! Honestly, I can’t blame you. I mean love was everyone’s middle name back then. Everyone nowadays wants to shove you out the door when you ask them if they have a few minutes to spare to talk about keeping our parks clean. Alright, well that is pretty annoying but the way we come about certain situations these days is hilarious. Sometimes we’ll pretend we’re on the phone when we see someone we don’t want to talk to or pretend our stomach is on fire or in really intense situations, act like we can’t hear them (it’s called “ignoring someone” in most cultures) The last one is kind of a bullshit move in society but we have become resistant to its effects. I don’t really know where I’m going with this but if my anger is coming out it’s because I ate a handful of dirt in the back of Queen Elizabeth’s shed, also known as the Buxton Bayou Base or Poplar Palace of Potentially Fatal Elites or Once Upon a Time in Victoria’s Bath House. I never really liked Queen E. She spoke like she had a mouth full of French fries and couldn’t afford candor; doesn’t take away the fact that I would gladly bring her tea for years to come just to be knighted.

Life is crazy though. I scare myself sometimes. Last night I went to bed after watching Insidious. A crazy, fucked up, scare you for days, devils playground, idiotic soundtracks full of pulling strings kind of movie. I went to bed that night, suddenly waking up at 3 am in a cold sweat, staring at the crack in my bathroom door. I thought someone was looking at me. I wanted to throw my book but I rented it from the library and they have a strict, no throwing books at invisible entities policy. Fuck it. Why would anything be in my bathroom? Is the evil spirit shaving with my razor? Taking a shit?  Stealing my soap? It’s nonsense. I just need to stop watching stupid movies like that. They are bad news bears. Anyways, I love you all. Keep the pressure pragmatic.

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