A Post By: Michael Gallo
Earlier today, the University of Arkansas fired the now infamous Bobby Petrino for lying about a motorcycle accident and a related adulterous affair that he was having with an ex-volleyball chick. And if you’re like most people, you’re golf clapping and saying “nicely done, Bobby”. Now before any of you idiots comes at me with some moral argument, hear me out.
Can we REALLY blame Bobby Petrino? Is it a crime to be an all-American badass? So he was cheating. Is it the first time a sports figure in the public sphere cheated? No. Will it be the last? Fuck no. So get over it, and appreciate it for what it is. Which is an old fart bebopping around Arkansas with a blonde bimbo on the back of friggen motorcycle.
But Bobby didn’t get fired for bebopping with a blonde. It wasn’t even the fact that the blonde works for him. Or that he had an inappropriate relationship with the blonde. or even the fact that he’s married. Or that he wrecked a motorcycle but told his boss that he was alone.
No, it’s all of that shit combined with the fact that Bobby Petrino made his AD look stupid. And people don’t like looking stupid. Bobby Petrino cheated on his wife with Jessica Dorrell, an employee half his age (an employee that he bought a $20,000 “gift” for), almost killed her, and then turned to his AD after he got caught and said, “hey, wanna brush this one under the rug? I won 11 games last year ya know”.
But the question remains; can we really blame Bobby Petrino?
Sure, he’s adulterous but look at the society around him. Hell, look at Jessica Dorrell.
We all know the mantra, whether we want to accept it or not. Blonde’s have more fun and that’s clearly the case here. 158 candidates applied for the job Jessica ended up “earning”. Bobby clearly knew something was up.
But who here among us has not put down a motorcycle and then lied about our adulterous ways? Who here hasn’t blown 20 K on a blond bimbo when we’re married with children? If I had a dollar for every time I crashed a motorcycle with a blond on the back, I’d have $4.50 because one time I found out “she” was a he. Which made for an awkward trial.
But I didn’t get fired! Most people wouldn’t. This isn’t about the stupid shit Bobby Petrino did, it’s about his AD being embarrassed and taking it out on someone. Don’t believe me?
Rick Pitino did some unmentionable things with a woman in a restaurant (IN A RESTAURANT) and is still coaching Louisville. He took them to a Final Fucking Four!
And don’t even get me started on Tiger Woods.
This is the United States of Second Chances, and yet Bobby got the bad end of the deal here.
But let me remind you all of a little Bible quote that says “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone”. So please, unless you’re sin free, lay off poor ol Bobby Petrino. And if you are sin free, then step right up, let’s stone this asshole to death!
Maybe America got so upset because we all see a little bit of ourselves in Bobby Petrino. For me, it’s the cracked vertebrae (an injury I suffered when I killed a petting zoo goat with my head). And I have an affinity for blondes.
But let me tell you, when I’ve got a chick on the motorcycle, I keep it upright.
Bobby could take a lesson or two from me.