Kevin Yoder Pisses Off the Barnyard Lampoon

A Post By: Michael Gallo

To read our article about Kevin Yoder jumping into the Sea of Galilee naked: CLICK HERE

Literally just half an hour ago, I sat down at my computer to type what I thought was going to be a sentimental and humorous recall of MCA’s life (the recently deceased Beastie Boys rapper).

After typing just one word my phone rang. It was a private number. Thinking it was BL writer and professional monkey impersonator Cody DiCavalcante prank calling me, I answered it. “This will be hilarious, I’ll belch into the phone and then scream ‘who fucking farted?’ it will be great” I thought to myself. Instead, upon answering I was treated to this gem.

“Hi, This is Kevin Yoder. I would like to invite you to a live telephone town hall meeting. Just stay on the line and–”

I hung up. Kevin Yoder has the audacity to call me in MY home, where MY CHILDREN sleep!

Actually, that’s just a quote from the Godfather, I don’t have any children…

But regardless, where does Kevin Yoder get off??

Conference calls are absolutely worthless. When I was younger my father used to get on conference calls all the time for his job. These mostly consisted of holding the phone somewhere close to the side of his head and watching TV or reading a magazine. Or he’d leave the phone on the table while he yelled at one of his kids, or one of the dogs, or both. Wanna know what happened to my childhood because of all those fucking phone calls?

But yeah, keep tearing apart families, Kevin. Asshole.

The only other time I have been on a conference call was with the other BL writers. We discussed business for 38 seconds before we listened to Cody go off on a tangent about mail palettes and some other thing specific to where he was standing at that exact second. It was an abysmal failure.

Maybe this wasn’t actually a conference call…maybe they just tell you that, but it’s really just one of Kevin Yoder’s interns on the other end. People think they’re in a public forum so they say all this outrageous shit. But if Kevin Yoder’s intern is anything like our intern, he’s fucked come election time.

Clearly, some dipshit on Kevin Yoder’s staff told him it would be good idea to call random people and invite them to a large, chaotic conference call type disaster where they could discuss town hall type dilemmas. Here’s a town hall issue Kevin…you’re violating my privacy. Who in the world would stay on the line?

All right, besides that guy. That “telephone town hall meeting” is probably entirely comprised of old/confused people sitting on the other end of the line saying, “Eh? Hello? Is anyone there? Martha, it’s the damn colored people again…”

And why the private number?! In fact, I would say this is really the main source of my pissedoffness. You’re hiding something, Kevin you sleezy asshole. Call me like a real man. Wanna talk to THE Michael Gallo, then hit me up on your celly. Man celly to man celly. We’ll talk like bros.

Main Man Yoder: Yo, bruh, what are you rocking on the feet these days?

Money Mike Gallo: Bruh, just Nike Air Max Revolution 3000’s.

Main Man Yoder: Fuck…

Money Mike Gallo: I know.

Then I’d vote for him. But as it stands, I am not voting for Kevin Yoder. Because he invaded my private life with government TRICKS. He deceived me! That’s why I’m challenging Kevin Yoder to a fight. I’ll do it on his turf. Kevin, I’ll meet you in DC you scared punk.

Why would Kevin Yoder want to bother me for such an absolutely worthless cause? I guarantee NOTHING of value comes from those fucking phone calls. Show me proof he gets somewhere with these calls. But why stop with telephone conference calls, Kevin? Maybe when I’m seeing The Avengers this weekend, Kevin Yoder can get up in front of the audience and announce that we’re having an impromptu town hall meeting. At least in that situation I would have the opportunity to throw something heavy at his head. Or maybe my shoe, Iraq style.

Aloha Mr. Shoe!

I almost stayed on the line. ALMOST. Like this close. It would have been interesting to sit on my end of the line screaming about sharts and threatening to make vile noises into the phone.

Kevin Yoder should spend less time on conference calls and more time on not drinking and driving. The telephone town hall conference can’t be a simple system. This is oddly reminiscent of Governor Brownback’s name recognition software. They really have so much time and money on their hands that they can have their “team” develop these campaign schemes? Clearly, the answer is yes. So as I did with Governor Brownback, Congressman Yoder feel free to email us at Defend yourself. Tell me why I should vote for you. Just don’t make it a town hall email.

Looks like I’m not going to be a “Yoder Voter” come election time.

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