BL Sports: The Absurdity of Race Walking

A Post By: Craig Sean

There’s something we need to discuss.

Race walking.

I’ve spent most of the past week watching the Olympics. I don’t watch the tape delay BS, instead I watch the stuff NBC chooses to show live. Speaking of the BS tape delay, the stuff they show during the day is mostly BS stuff I don’t care about. I’ve invested many hours on the couch analyzing these events. Most of them I’m ok with. Sure, I don’t care about 90% of these people or events outside the olympics, but when it comes to team USA, I care.

On to the point. FUCK RACE WALKING! This event is straight stupid. Just let them run! Don’t make these athletes go out there and look like complete fools. I get it, it’s probably really difficult to do this

1. because it requires you to look like a fool and

2. because the race is a 50k.

Yes, one of the races is a 50k walk (not for charity and you can’t bring your dog). 50k. Thats a lot of the briskest walking in the world. Over 31.07 miles, if they were to use the correct units of measurement. I’m not sure there’s a lot of people out there dedicated to walking with hopes of one day taking their talents to the olympics. My dad walks fast all day (#NoDaysOff), but if I told him he should tryout to walk in the olympics… well… I’m not sure what he would do because that is completely absurd, but I’m pretty sure he would NOT consider it.

Speaking of parents, think about your mom or dad being an olympic race walker. Maybe the gold medal winning race walker. You get to show all your friends the medal, they probably think your mom/dad is kickass and that you are probably an awesome athlete until they realize the medal is for WALKING. The olympics should donate the medals to local public pools so they can hand them out to the kid who doesn’t run on the pool deck.

I looked up race walking in the encyclopedia… I mean wikipedia, and found the main rule that keeps the participant from running is having one foot in contact with the ground at all times. Then I looked at the picture to see the goons racing.

The leader in the picture breaks the main rule! The picture is a little blurry but that looks to me to be conclusive evidence to overturn the ruling on the field of that man walking. The “walker” initiated a running motion and will be penalized from the spot 15 walking paces. Not sure if thats how it works… I think I’m just pumped about football season.

WHAT TIME IS IT!? race walk time? The reason this walker wasn’t caught is because they use the human eye. No instant replay here. basically you can cheat your way through this sport because who can see that violation…seriously who? No one goes to race walks.

Hold the phone, I just read race walking was originally called pedestrianism. I don’t need to know anymore. It’s over. There is nothing I can think of that sounds less competitive than pedestrianism. Holy hell, they offer this in some high school track and field programs! All these “stop bullying” campaigns should start by getting race walking out of all high schools. This might be at the core of all bullying.

Sorry to keep skipping around, but my research keeps taking me deeper into how ridiculous this event is. The reigning gold medal winner was kicked out of the London games for doping. If that man had any dignity before, he sure doesn’t now. Can I stop writing?

Discuss this with me. I’m interested. I want to talk to someone who supports the event. Feel free to attack my argument. Yes, I am ignorant, so enlighten me. Don’t be stupid by attacking my grammar or how I presented my information, that’s not the point and no one cares. Just look at my overall argument of race walking being stupid and not belonging in the olympics or anywhere near it.

3 thoughts on “BL Sports: The Absurdity of Race Walking

  1. No replies so far, eh? I guess that’s what happens when you ask someone to defend the indefensible. This is a “sport” where good technique makes you look like a schoolchild desperately trying to get to the bathroom to let loose a blast of diarrhea outside of his pants, while simultaneously being warned not to run in the halls. Fuck racewalking, indeed.

    1. That’s a very powerful observation, dave999. Race walking also lacks the typical Olympic drama. Many is the runner who ran away from conflict in Sudan as a child. As far as I know, no one has ever race walked away from military conflict.

  2. What I can’t help but be astonished by is the fact that they tossed wrestling out of the Olympics but for some reason kept this… and dressage.

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