A Post By: Michael Gallo
In playing to his key demographic, the urban youth of America, LeBron James managed to come across as completely ignorant and absolutely oblivious. In a move that will ultimately result in a spree of murders, LeBron James decided to release his shoe at a staggering sticker price of $315. Granted, it was probably someone higher than LBJ that decided on the price, but he almost assuredly had something to do with it. So bravo LBJ, you’re putting a bullseye on the backs of millions of young men.
Sure, plenty of affluent people (blacks and whites alike) will purchase this shoe. But then, on the other end of the spectrum, there’s going to be a guy named G-Donut who sells drugs for 6 straight hours with the sole (see what I did there?) intention of buying LBJ’s hot “new kicks”. He’ll walk out of Champs (I bought New Balances there one time, and it was like a lesson in Afro-American culture and social interaction) with the fresh new Lebron X’s.
G-Donut: Fucking dope
He’ll say to himself as he strolls down the street.
And then this:
In case you lack patience, that’s a video of Ricky getting shot in the hit film Boyz N The Hood. Mark my words, people will most definitely get shot for these shoes. People got shot for Jordan’s and those were only $125. These are
4x 2.5x 3x as expensive. Wait…no…fuck, I suck at math.
Do you know how degrading it will be to get shot and on top of it have your shoes stolen? Suffering through a potentially fatal occurrence so that someone can rock your fucking shoes…would suck. Plus, on the off chance that you live, any hopes of you getting up and finding help will depend on how thick your socks are.
If the shoes look familiar it’s because the US Mens Basketball Team wore them while they beat the living shit out of any country that dare step to Bron Bron and the rest of the US squad (lovingly referred to as the In Your Dreams Team). But now, thanks to the price tag, the people wearing the shoes will receive the beatings.
It would also appear the sole lights up. This is good. Now, when you’re trying to escape from a potential shoe mugging you’ll remain a well-lit, albeit moving, target. In my opinion, Nike and LBJ are responsible for whatever happens. Making a shoe $315 dollars is a bad idea. Especially when most of the people who are going to buy the shoe aren’t exactly populating Connecticut country clubs.
$315 seems like a pretty steep price for a pair of shoes. If people in Cleveland didn’t hate LBJ before, they will now. In fact, the remaining Bron Bron fans in the Cleve’ get to decide between a pair of Lebron X’s or a new house as they are relatively close in price in that particular area.
LBJ: Remember when I left you assholes, and won the ‘ship? Me too. Sorry about that whole “failing economy” thing you guys are going through. My shoe costs more than a fucking Xbox 360. Straight. Pimpin’.
It’s good to be Bron Bron