Last night, the Baltimore Ravens pulled off an incredible victory. That is, they were able to win a Super Bowl without Ray Lewis murdering someone, or testing positive for a banned substance. Kudos to Baltimore’s owner for keeping a killer caged long enough to taste sweet victory. A feat Michael Vick was unable to accomplish.
A lot has already been written about the Super Bowl. That shouldn’t surprise anyone, it was a pretty memorable event. Some of the easier talking points that have already been beaten to death:
– “Holy shit, did you guys see that power outage? Lol,________(Insert Ray Lewis murder joke).” I’m guilty of this one. The moment it happened, I belted out a Ray Lewis murder status on Facebook so fast you wouldn’t even have had time to say, “Holy shit, I’ve been stabbed outside of Ray Lewis’ limo”. And it got hella likes. Because people can’t get enough Ray Lewis murder.
Not to mention it wasn’t even a fucking “power outage”. If over half of something is still there, it’s not “out”.
“Shit, visibility has been reduced to 98%. Postpone the game while we get to the bottom of this.” – Roger Goodell.
Blah blah blah New Orleans didn’t pay the electric bill, lol lol lol jk.
Hey remember when the levees broke and almost wiped out the entire city? Sorry if when they were rebuilding an entire region and culture they screwed up a few lights. Ya asshole.
– Beyonce’s performance. And when I say “performance”, I mean walking around playing her music and grunting. I can’t blame her, a lot of the time I walk around my apartment reading my own writing and grunting.
– Joe Flacco being a fucking dipshit. Oh wait, that’s not an overdone joke. That’s reality.
– Ray Lewis. Anything having to do with Ray Lewis.
– Colin Kappernickeick being biracial.
– What happened to my bowels after eating two healthy servings of Jalapeno chili. Ever seen the film There Will Be Blood? Yeah.
– Neon Leon.
-Kansas City Sports
– Llama Sterilization
I think that about covers it. My mouth tastes like quarters.