Doozy Magazine Welcomes: The Barber

Slicing through the mundane like a hot knife through butter, is an interview with our newest writer: The Barber.

Hailing From D.C., the capital of the United States of ‘Murica, The Barber will change your life.

He pets cheetahs like house cats.

He can throw cement blocks farther than most humans.

Behold:

How would you describe your writing style? Compare it to a wild animal, and explain why you chose that animal.

I write like a gorilla– strong and proud, yet also gentle and care-free.  Just as a silverback bangs his chest to show who’s boss, I bang at my keyboard to make a point.  I might come across as clumsy or self-aggrandizing, but I’m really pretty fun once you survive the initial display.

Who and what are some of your influences?

Wolves/Dogs-they’ve taught me to work together and value my sense of smell

Monkeys-I try to model their creativity, fun-loving attitude, and love for bananas (Note that I don’t buy that “PC” stuff about how chimpanzees and orangotangs etc are really apes and not monkeys—if they like bananas, then they’re monkeys in my book…Also, I spell orangotangs however I want).

Lions-I always try to present myself with their regal bearing.

Hmm..On re-reading the question it seems I don’t need to limit myself to wild animals. So, to expand to people:

My top human influences are:

·         Andre the Giant for his joie-de-vivre

·         George Eliot for her descriptive writing style

·         Freddie Mercury for his suaveness

·         George Kennan for his analytic prowess

·         Beavis for his dance moves

·         Voltaire for his for wit

What do you hope to accomplish while writing for Doozy?

FUN!

In your own words, describe a lunch date with Helen Keller.

Feeding is a competition, no matter whom I am with. On lunch dates, I usually lap my opponents/companions at least twice (I only bring lunch dates to buffets), and I don’t see how it would be any different with HK. In fact, I’d probably lap her 3 times, especially if the buffet has an unusual layout and/or booby traps.

Why now?

Life is too short, so I always try to seize the day (indeed, opportunities do not appear—they are seized). Every moment is precious, and a minute idle is a minute wasted.

Doozy

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