College Football Preview for Gambling Addicts: Week 5

A Post By: Michael Gallo

No. 11 Oklahoma State vs. West Virginia

Recent events at Oklahoma State would suggest that a lot of the coaching staff is also betting on this game. Add that to the fact that West Virginia lives up to every stereotype you can possibly imagine, and Oklahoma State should be running away with this one. Expect big games from the quarterback of one of the teams and maybe a few running backs in the formation thing. Put your money on OSU by 20 points. Over under of some.

No. 6 LSU vs. No. 9 Georgia

This is the big game of the weekend due to the fact that both teams are powerhouses in one of the most corrupt powerful conferences in college football. Aaron Murray is a dawg, and Zach Mettenbergerheim is one of the most solid quarterbacks to come out of an American state in the past 6 months. LSU is ranked higher, but Georgia is at home between the hedges. Let’s take a moment to ponder how much illegal labor is used to maintain those hedges….Put your money on Georgia (Georgia by 10)

No. 14 Oklahoma vs. No. 22 Notre Dame

Sooners versus Catholics, settlers versus people who don’t eat meat on Fridays during Lent. This matchup between one mediocre team and another team that really isn’t doing that well this year, promises to leave you mildly content until the next game comes on. Expect Oklahoma to do big things on the road. Put money from someone else’s account on Oklahoma (by 25).

No. 21 Ole Miss vs. No. 1 Alabama

Alabama is gonna Roll Fucking Tide on this game. You betta belee dat. Granted, even Forrest Gump got into Alabama but that has nothing to do with the football program. Mostly. No joke, Alabama is gonna win this by at least 30.

No. 10 Texas A&M vs. Arkansas

Arkansas isn’t ranked, but I think everyone in the state hates Johnny Manziel. A lot. I’ve been drinking way too much lately, and because of this…I’m urging you to put all your money on Arkansas. This game is this week’s Life Savings Bet. Do it, and when you’re rich, remember me when a hired servant is giving you a sponge bath.

No. 23 Wisconsin vs. No. 4 Ohio State

This game is seriously in the running for Game of the Week. But alas, it isn’t, because both teams belong to a conference that has integrity, and a lack of seedy NFL agents. Urban Meyer is doing big things at Ohio State. A school which, because of an immense amount of NCAA violations, can’t ever do big things. Actually, the bowl ban may have been lifted. I’m not really sure. I mean, let’s face it: it’s stupid that they got into so much trouble for swapping merch for tats, and I should also probably research more for this column.

But that would require work.

*The Barnyard Lampoon is not responsible for you gambling away all your money and having to eat out of a dumpster and drink your own urine.

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