A Post By: Michael Gallo
Tonight, I will reach 20,000 views. A number I was determined to hit when I started this website in April 2010.
3 years ago, in a large film studio at the University of Kansas, my buddy Phil explained the website WordPress to me. The chances are high that we were supposed to be working at the time, but the chances are also high that the film was never completed. That night, I ran home and did the necessary research. For absolutely zero dollars a month I could upload any material I wanted, as often as I wanted to. For a college student, this was perfect. For the first I had a forum to discuss things that annoyed me, politicians that confused me, and idiots that enraged me. I created my site, calling it the Barnyard Lampoon as an ode to my Kansas roots, and the National Lampoon. That night, I uploaded my first story about how drunk someone would have to be to leave a bar, and then drive a car through said bar. In the early days I was trying to emulate the best: The Onion. The first 5 or so articles were fake news stories. But that got boring pretty fast. In fact, the entire thing got pretty boring. Just a few weeks after it got off the ground, the Barnyard Lampoon was done. I didn’t care enough about it. It didn’t really do anything fancy, and there were more important things in life like booze, girls, parties, girls, scooters, feats of daring risk, and sometimes (rarely) school. But a year later, just weeks before I was about to graduate from college, I remembered the site. I don’t know what made me pick it back up again. Maybe it was because I was about to face something so serious. I was about to finish school, and leave that world behind (possibly forever). I was going to be what society called an “adult”. And that sucked. I wasn’t ready to grow up, and I wasn’t ready to be serious. Knowing that other people were in the same boat, I started writing for the BL again. Maybe we would all get 9-5’s but we would read some fart jokes in the process. And this time around, I really found my voice. I started writing about personal stories, and how I really felt, not stupid fake news stories. And it worked. People were reading it, and I was drunk off getting so many views. And also literally drunk.
I’m not saying any of this looking for praise. The Barnyard Lampoon isn’t a famous website. 20,000 views might not even be that significant. Some websites get that many in a few hours. Not to mention the quality…holy shit, the quality. Of some 200 posts, I’ve probably really edited about three. In fact, I’m pretty sure the previous sentence isn’t grammatically correct…
But that doesn’t matter, because this site is my baby. A baby that I have left untouched for months at a time. But I always come back. I used to get pissed that only a small handful of writers have offered me their services. Or that my site never got “noticed”. But to be honest I don’t care anymore. One time, in a hotel in New York City, a friend said to me, “I was having a terrible day a few months ago, but I read some BL article you posted that night and it cheered me up. It really helped.” I didn’t really know what to say at the time, but that made everything absolutely worth it. So what if I never got picked up? So what if some person verbally assaulted me because I posted a story about how stupid you are if you boycott Chik-Fil-A? If I can make ONE person laugh, or cheer up one person, then everything I do with this site is worth it. If you’re someone who has continued to read my nonsense, and has supported me with views….thank you.
Thank you for reading all my bullshit.
Michael Francis Gallo
Some interesting BL Facts:
-I one time got my haircut, and discovered that my barber/hair stylist (whom I had never met) had randomly read the BL before.
-Over 1,000 people have Googled the phrase “how do I remove my own appendix?” and read my article on that very subject. This really highlights what is wrong with both the American healthcare system, and the human race.
-I one time got 1,077 views in a day, because Kevin Yoder is an idiot, and when you Google image searched him, a BL photo was the third one down.
-One time, I went out with my roommates in undergrad, got annihilated, came home, and stared at the “delete” button for half an hour before I passed out sitting up.
-I’m going to write on this stupid site until they put me in the ground (I know, I’m sorry…please don’t murder me).
-One time, in a stroke of genius, I posted a story about the Detroit Lions to a Detroit Lion fan forum. The “fans” became so enraged, and responded with such malice, that I’m glad they’re all suffering through abject poverty. I hope Detroit fucking implodes.
And now…for a random collection of memes I have made over the years, which will make absolutely no sense without context.