Do you enjoy the great outdoors? Do you like becoming one with nature? Do you like taking vacations to leave the stress of work behind? Then we have an opportunity for you! The Barnyard Lampoon, in collaboration with Get The Frack Out, is taking a group of willing individuals up to the Dakotas to enjoy some recreational fracking. What better way to enjoy nature than really immersing yourself in it as you fracture rocks to extract natural gas?
You may have heard liberal watch dogs complaining about “safety concerns” and “contaminated water” associated with fracking. Trust us, fracking is completely and totally
safe beneficial not dangerous a thing.
You may be asking yourself, “fracking? Don’t I need a permit to do that?”
Our response: quit being a little girl and man up. Do you think your great-great-grandfather asked for a permit when he went up to the Yukon to mine, drink whiskey, and commingle with prostitutes?
It works like this: for two easy payments of $26,000 you’ll ride in a windowless van straight up to either North or South Dakota where you’ll be given illegal fracking equipment to frack the shit out of stuff. The rest is up to you!
Your payment covers: food, fracking equipment from an unknown Chinese province, a two person canvas tent, 2 loaded shottys, a used Vietnam War Bowie knife, a fake passport, a Michael Meyers mask, and a plane ticket to Cuba if shit REALLY hits the fan.
Because fracking has been slowly killing local families, people in North and South Dakota aren’t too fond of it (despite the tons of revenue it brings in). In the past, people who went on the Barnyard Lampoon “Frack the Dakotas” trip were shot and stabbed by irate and inebriated locals.
A few ways to avoid this:
-Resist the urge to frack in someone’s backyard. Don’t shit where you walk, you know?
-Don’t, under ANY circumstances, frack in a Walmart parking lot.
-If you’re going to frack near or in a bar, buy a few drinks first.
And lastly, any natural gas you extract is yours! There’s tons of stuff you can do with it. Just don’t smoke if you’re going to keep it in a Folgers can. We miss you Wild Bill.
We hope you decide to come with us, and FRACK THE DAKOTAS!