Cody: Things I Want to Accomplish in 2014

A Post By: Cody DiCavalcante

  1. Introduce myself to sports talk
  2. Buy a cat and sharpen my sarcasm skills
  3. Gladly accept those pamphlets from the people outside the library
  4. Stand in front of a vacant building and envision a glorious adoption clinic with rainbows and smiling donuts and then shoo the idea and move to Anaheim
  5. Take my dog grocery shopping
  6. Enter the dragon
  7. Exit the dragon (I can only have a week vacation)
  8. Develop a psychiatric method of letting go of problems by telling a patient to write down all their problems then erase them really fast
  9. Read an autobiography while writing my own
  10. Conclude sentences without a period because it’s never going to be the last thing I say
  11. Re-institute the period. Too much work to convince an entire generation of grammar banshees
  12. Start using $50 bills to buy long-term things because Ulysses as such a short-term president
  13. Go to engineering school, ace a couple tests then clean their halls and solve an unsolved problem. After that, hopefully I can just talk to Robin Williams about a painting.
  14. Convince a business tycoon that going to dinner during lunchtime is the new craze
  15. Gyrate my pancreas
  16. Read all of Fyodor Dostoevsky’s novels and replace all the characters with fish
  17. Lead a lecture on Elvis Presley
  18. Breathe like I mean it!
  19. High five a bunch of hipsters after a basketball game with neo-Victorians
  20. Create a movie about the window washer for the tallest skyscraper that uses only his tongue

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