Discussing X-Men: Days of Future Past with a Confused Stoner

A Post By: Michael Gallo and Tony Blaze

X-Men Days of Future Past

CAUTION: SPOILER ALERT!

With a storyline completely dependent on time travel, and using the past to alter the events of the future, X-Men Days of Future Past can be a tad bit confusing. To really hammer out the details, we touched base with stoner and casual X-Men fan, Tony Blaze. Or, as his friends call him, Tony Blazed.

Michael Gallo: So first things first, you actually saw this movie, right?

Tony Blaze: Oh yeah, twice now. I know this guy named Tweak who gets all these movies off torrent, so I saw it in theaters and then twice at Tweak’s house.

That would be three times…

Oh yeah, I guess it would be. Okay, I’ve seen it three times.

Nice. And what did you think.

I thought it was crazy, cause they send wolverine back to do this thing, but he doesn’t really do a good job, and then these other things happen, and it kind of seems like Wolverine doesn’t actually do anything, but he gets other people to do these other things, that still basically change things perfectly the way they want them.

Uh, yeah. I guess you’re right. It doesn’t seem like Wolverine does much, and there were a few instances where he could have just killed the right person and the entire movie would have been about 30 minutes long. Did you think the time travel segments were realistic?

Yeah, it was so nuts that they sent Wolverine back in time, but then they showed the monastery and he was like, still there.

Yeah, that’s because they only sent his consciousness back in time. His body stayed back in the present.

Whaaaat?

That’s why they send wolverine in the first place, because with his healing power, his brain can heal from the trauma of time travel.

Whoa, that’s gnarly. I wish my brain could recover.

Well maybe if you stopped smoking opium-covered weed, it would.

Yeah, maybe. Anyway, in the comics they send back Kitty Pryde. And Rachel Summers has the ability to send people’s brains back. Then Kitty Pryde is all like, “I can send your mind back” even though for the rest of the movies she can only go through walls. So she did that, and I was like “whaaat”.

Yeah, they don’t really do a good job of describing how she suddenly acquired that power.

That would be like if I was only smacking joints on the reg, and then all of sudden I had the ability to take 3 straight mega hits off an iced out Zong.

Yeah…it would be exactly like that…

DOFP really makes me think about how stuff that happened in my past is constantly changing my future.

Yeah, that’s how time works. You needed an X-Men movie to remind you of that?

…Yes. I have the memory of a 1st grader.

Who told you that?

I don’t remember.

Classic. So did you think the events that happen in the 1973 timeline were significant enough to completely change the outcome of the modern X-Men storyline?

No way, dude. Sure Mystique didn’t shoot that mini-senator, but magneto dropped a goddamn stadium onto the White House. If I were a normal human in 1973, I would still be pretty scared of mutants. Even if mystique didn’t pull the trigger.

Hey, solid point.

It took watching it three times to get to that point.

So basically, Bryan Singer crapped out an x-men movie where he had the opportunity to use both casts, and then wipe the slate clean for any future project?

Uh..yeah. Basically.

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