Chinese Tourists Are the Worst

A Post By: Michael Gallo

Chinese tourists are the worst in the world. Their behavior is deplorable, they’re rude, and they vandalize ancient Egyptian sites with lame things like “Ding Jinhao was here”. Really? Ding was here? You couldn’t come up with anything better to write? No witty comments about how Egyptians used to have bird heads?

Horus: an ancient Egyptian god who used to eat bird seed and crap on cars.


Chinese people are traveling more, seemingly because they woke up one day and realized they’re living under one of the most oppressive regimes in recent history. But let’s be clear, RICH Chinese people are traveling. Don’t think for a second that that 10-cent-an-hour slave that’s putting iPads together is getting a break from the factory to go see all the wonders of the world.

There’s a lot of money in China, and rich Chinese people are the worst. When you have money in China, the world is your tourist destination. For rich Chinese youth, even college becomes a 4-year vacation. I went to a large public university and there were literally hundreds of rich Chinese students running around and throwing money at things. At the time, the luxury tax was so high on cars, it was cheaper to just buy whatever car you wanted and sell it later, than it was to ship a car over. Because of this system, all the Chinese students drove Rolls Royces, Porsches, and the Benzs. One student even drove an Aston Martin, a car that he frequently parked under a large tree where it was repeatedly crapped on by birds, and had about 35 pounds of those helicopter seeds on it every morning.

Nature’s toy.

I know this, because my apartment backed up to what my roommates and I called “Beijing Alley”. It was a single apartment building with every rich Chinese student that went to our school. One time, it snowed 3 feet and we helped a Chinese person get his car unstuck. He couldn’t thank us, but he bowed, smiled awkwardly and then drove an $80,000 car down a steep hill and into a blizzard. We never saw him again.

And when I was an RA at the same school, I hopelessly tried to catch a student named Fang who used to smoke cigarettes in his room until the walls were yellow, and covered in a visible film. When we billed him for the damage, his return address was a Shanghai oil field. Bookoo bucks.

None of these people cared about any of this. They would all be going back to China in four years, and they all had insane amounts of money. Being young, in another country, and rich makes you do stupid things. The end result is Chinese people going all over the world and acting like monsters. And here’s the best part: sometimes they don’t even wait for the plane to take off!

The CNN article describes how a Chinese man was charged 2 dollars for hot water (after having to WAIT), and went into some sort of pressurized-cabin-induced-RAGE.

It’s truly incredible how quickly he goes from “Don’t you know I have money?” to “I’m going to blow up this plane!” Those are two completely different mindsets, but he made that difficult transition in a very seamless manner.

Stuff climaxed when his girlfriend flung the hot 2 dollar water onto the back of the flight attendant’s head. If I’m her boyfriend, and I just “bought” 2 dollar hot water, complained that I didn’t get Chinese currency back (which makes no sense) and you go and fling it on a flight attendant’s head, I would plan on having a really serious conversation at the airport Chili’s. Maybe over beers, but probably not.

This is an absolutely classic scenario. If an America talked back to a flight attendant and started hitting people, or his girlfriend dumped hot water on someone’s HEAD, he would be sent to Gitmo (and God knows what would happen to him there). But CNN goes on to list SEVERAL events where Chinese tourists kicked, punched, and generally assaulted EACH OTHER. This isn’t even some China-South Korea or China-Japan conflict. This is Chinese tourists attacking each other on a plane. Which must look something like this:

If I were a flight attendant, I wouldn’t get in the way of that. Even the National Tourism Administration is trying  to calm down Chinese tourists.

Please, Chinese travelers, let’s chill out before more faces get melted, fellow citizens get punched, and more airline employees get told to shut up. Where’s the humanity?

Can’t we all just get along?


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