Red Cross Reminder: Minorities Shouldn’t Swim

Post By: Michael Gallo

The Red Cross is apologizing after it consulted with the Ku Klux Klan to develop a swim safety poster that looks like a Leni Riefenstahl movie. Here’s the poster apparently brought back from the dystopian future where Trump is Supreme Ruler of the United Republic of America:


Apparently the Red Cross doesn’t use any sort of proofing process when it develops swim safety materials, it just lets Ol’ Bill from Mississippi go crazy and then sends it straight to the printer. It’s easy to think that people are blowing this claim of racism out of proportion, for instance you could note that the African American lifeguard is neutral, not labeled “cool” or “not cool”. But then you see the black child in the very center of the pool, labeled “not cool”. Upon thorough examination, it appears the child is simply swimming. And that is somehow “not cool”. Is it not cool because a black kid is in your white pool? Or is not cool because his mouth is open, presumably so he can breath?

At the top of the poster on the left side, a black child is again labeled “not cool”, possibly because he’s running on the pool deck, a well-known “no no” in pool culture. But it doesn’t take a genius to realize he’s being chased by a white kid, no doubt being egged on by his racist parents, to “run this _______(fill in blank with whatever racist term you prefer) out of our damn pool!”

In the defense of the seemingly fascist Red Cross, there is a white guy labeled not cool, because he brought a glass bottle onto the pool deck. But with his cool glasses, all-white t-shirt and white privilege, we all know he’s actually cool. It starts with a beer bottle on the pool deck, before he eventually drives drunk, drives up onto a sidewalk, goes to court, and gets 6 months of probation for running over 9 people.

Yes, it would seem the Red Cross really screwed this one up. Of course they’ve apologized, but not without highlighting the good they’ve done for HUMANITY, and then highlighting their strategy of, and we’re paraphrasing here, essentially giving pool rules to black people because they can’t swim, don’t have access to swimming lessons, and drown a lot. Their words, not ours.

Lastly, why is no one talking about the levitating, talking whale? “Not cool” black kids are absurd, but we just accept flying whales that tell you to “follow the rules” like some sort of authoritarian overlord?

Whatever, I’m going swimming.

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