By Professor Moneymaker
Barnyard Lampoon’s Business Corner Office: Your correspondence school MBA program, where you’ve already passed your first test—saving money on business school! (Not accredited by any organization except the FREE MARKET. If we’re still here, your degree is valuable. Credits may transfer to Trump University).
Suppose you’re sitting in a solutioneering session with your company’s Chief Learning Officer, trying to develop an innovative approach to synergizing your proprietary content management system with a key client’s multi-faceted and fast-changing needs. How can you meaningfully engage all the stakeholders through an innovative information architecture, all while protecting the company’s quadruple bottom line? Easy: Just follow the BL Business Corner Office’s three easy steps for career success!
1) Stay current on the latest lingo. The business world is fast paced, with new terms entering the lexicon every week. These neologisms are a critical component to productivity growth; using terms such as “socialize” to describe distributing a document or using “solution” as a verb are key to keeping America’s edge. After all, it’s one of the things that separate us from the stodgy French, who have to get new words approved by a mysterious language council.
2) Send strategically timed emails. In today’s interconnected world, clients and colleagues expect round-the-clock connectivity. But if you’re a BL Business Corner Officer student, you’re probably a busy businessman or woman, working a “side hustle” selling home brewed alcoholic energy drinks at your local high school, all the while taking a grueling course load of correspondence classes. Your solution: set your Outlook to send emails very early in the mornings or late evenings. This way, the higher ups will think you’re burning the midnight oil for the company, even if you’re actually being chased down a dark alley by a school resource officer on a souped-up Segway.
3) Use lists and gifs. Data “viz” is the key to “biz.” Writing is so 1990s. As millennials increasingly enter the workforce, tomorrow’s leaders will need to adapt to their meme-loving ways, or be left behind. Next time you’re struggling to craft a logical argument through a series of paragraphs, just log-on to the world wide web, search for a hot jif (dancing baby), plaster some new biz-lingo over the front, and bam: you’re a data viz guru! Bonus points if your sequence some memes together “that only 90s kids will understand.” LOL